Bumperstickers 2

  • I wonder if you could drive any better with that phone up your ass?
  • Warning! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
  • Auntie Em – Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog: Dorothy.
  • I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.
    Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • So many recipes, so few cats.
  • Cats…the other white meat.
  • Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an IDIOT!
  • Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.
  • When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the I.R.S.
  • Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
  • Isouport publik edekasion.
  • hoket on foniks werked fur me.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made
  • Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
  • To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
  • I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
  • Quick Operator, give me the number for 911.
  • Oh Lord, give me patience. And give it to me Now!
  • They call it ” PMS ” because ” Mad Cow Disease ” was already taken.
  • Unless you are the lead dog, the view never changes.
  • The dark ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
  • If your voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
  • Don’t sweat the petty things.
    Don’t pet the sweaty things.
  • All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  • OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  • Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
  • When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
  • The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it
  • The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism-to steal from many is research.
  • Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
  • If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
  • Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.
  • I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Borrow money from pessimists-they don’t expect it back.
  • 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • Friends help you move. Real friends help you move the bodies.
  • Why is ” abbreviation ” such a long word?
  • CAUTION: I drive like you do.
  • Cars don’t cause accients, people who slow down to look at them do.
  • I’m not insecure…Am I?
  • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
  • “Criminal Lawyer” is a redundancy.
  • Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
  • Smile- it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • Friends don’t let friends drive naked.
  • Wink, I’ll do the rest.
  • If we aren’t supposed to eat the animals, why are they made of meat?
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying ” Nice doggie! ” …till you can find a rock
  • Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.
  • I’m a corporate executive, I keep things from happening.
  • If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
  • A mans house is his hassle.
  • Biology grows on you.
  • People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
  • Love America – Or give it back.
  • A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
  • A penny saved is ridiculous.
  • Health is merely the slowest rate at witch one can die.
  • TO err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
  • If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.
  • Boycott meat – suck your thumb.
  • He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
  • Kiss me twice. I’m schizophenic.
  • Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!
  • Insomnia isn’t anything to lose sleep over.
  • Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a pyschopath to your door.
  • Do married women make the best wives?
  • Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
  • You ain’t learning nothing when you’re talking.
  • Next time,give ” the gift that keeps on giving “, a female kitten.
  • Keep your mouth shut and people will think you are stupid: Open it and you remove all doubt.
  • Everyone hates me because I’m paranoid.
  • Money is the root of all wealth.
  • Men have many faults, Women only two: Everything they say, And everything they do.
  • Keep America Beautiful….EMAGRATE!
  • If all men were brothers, would you let your sister marry?