Bumperstickers 1

  • It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • Time is what keeps everthing from happening at once.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public school.
  • All Generalizations Are False.
  • Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
  • Out of my mind. Be back in a few minutes.
  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
    Other times I let her sleep.
  • Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
  • Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed!
  • Women who seek to be equel to men lack ambition.
  • Real women don’t have hot flashes.
    They have power surges!
  • I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
  • Montana – At least our cows are sane.
  • Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  • Horn broken, watch for finger.
  • All men are idiots…I married their King.
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
  • We’ve got enough youth.
    How about a fountain of SMART!
  • Everyone has a photographic memory:
    Some just don’t have film.
  • When the chips are down…the buffalo is empty.
  • Insanity is hereditary…
    Our kids make us that way.
  • I have P.M.S. and a gun!
  • Seen it all – Done it all -
    Can’t remember most of it.
  • Different things vary.
  • We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
  • Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it.
  • Warning: Dates in calender are closer than they appear.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • Consiousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • So many pedestrians…So little time.
  • Caution: In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned!
  • Lead me not into temptation. I can find it on my own.
  • Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all the students.
  • Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
  • It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off Now!
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • I took an IQ test and it came out negative.
  • Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
  • Help wanted telepath: You know where to apply.
  • I.R.S. We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
  • Jesus loves you…everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
  • I’m just driving this way to piss you off.
  • If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.
  • I love cats…they taste just like chicken.
  • Where are we going? And why are we in this hand basket?
  • I want to be like Barbie, that Bitch has everything.
  • Keep honking, I’m reloading.
  • Hang up and drive.
  • I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
  • Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  • I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  • Just because I have a short attention span doesn’t mean….
  • When all else fails, manipulate the data.
  • Speak softly, and wear a loud shirt
  • Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.
  • Work is the curse of the drinking class.
  • Do unto others, then run.
  • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  • Life is God’s way of preserving meat.
  • Trespassers will be violated.
  • No electrons were harmed in the creation of this message.
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.
  • The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.
  • I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
  • Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
  • According to my best recollection,I don’t remember.
  • I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
  • The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.
  • Never sleep with someone crazier than yourself.
  • Schizophrenia beats being alone.
  • They’re only trying to make me look paranoid.
  • If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.
  • Yes, I’m fat, but your ugly and I can go on a diet.
  • Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
  • The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • CAUTION: I brake for no apparent reason.
  • Learn from your parent’s mistakes…use birth control.
  • I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
  • Forget about World Peace…
    Visualize using your turn signal.
  • Forget the Joneses. I keep up with the Simpsons.
  • Rehab is for quitters.
  • Jack Kervorkian for White House Physician.
  • I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • IF you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
  • Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.
  • No radio- Already stolen.
  • According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
  • How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
  • Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
  • Get out of my way, my kid needs to pee!